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by Alex Nichols

 Hello,

My name is Riley Caldwell. I am 70 years old and a widower. I lost my entire retirement savings when my financial planner (since deceased; suicide) fraudulently used it to invest in a shopping app for pets, where they could independently purchase things like food, tummy rubs, etc. Although the user interface was clean and intuitive, the app ultimately failed because animals cannot understand the concept of money.

In order to make a living, I signed up with a service called ElderGig, which people use to hire older folks like me to perform archaic tasks that they’ve either forgotten or never learned in the first place. It’s a cheaper alternative to those automated chore systems. I quite enjoy the work, actually. Just this week I folded some laundry, baked a cake, and repaired an old computer hard drive that had been completely corrupted for decades. As long as I book about 60 ElderGigs a week, I usually make enough for rent.