LUNCH NOTES

by Alex Nichols

Dearest Son,

If you’re reading this, it means I’m already dead.

Ha ha, just kidding. It means you’re at school, eating the lunch I lovingly prepared for you! (Although I could also be dead, what with how much I hate my job! Ha ha, just kidding again!)

Anywho, today’s meal is a true delight. We start off with an amuse-bouche, our classic baton du fromage, crafted from our finest mozzarella and wrapped in a thin layer of plastique (which we recommend removing before consumption). To drink, we have a vintage pouch of Capri Sun; it is crisp, yet fruity, with a strong Pacific Cooler finish. Then, the main course: two freshly-prepared slices of bologna (personally slaughtered by our in-house butcher, Oscar Mayer), served betwixt two pieces of pan blanco and coated in our signature mayo-flavored aioli glaze. On the side we have our miniature orange wedges just imported from the Mandarin region of China, soaked in a corn syrup reduction; farm-to-table bebe carrots bred from our strongest and most delicious adult carrots; and Nacho Cheese Doritos. (You may have noticed a theme with our sides. The theme is: orange.) Finally, we top it all off with dessert: the world famous Snaque Paque du chocolat pudding cup. Bon appetit!